this is me at my darkest

January 29, 2006

“these are the symptoms of letting go“

hmm January 25, 2006

I had sort of a dream/vision yesterday.

Now I just have to try to make some sense out of it.

… January 17, 2006

…

&%#)(*$!!!! January 11, 2006

I’m confident that I’m gonna want to kill myself in a couple of weeks. Every wednesday, I have a Visual Basic class, which lasts FOUR hours, from 5-9:30.

That

efing

SUCKS.

Other than that, things are going well. The girlfriend is sick…hopefully it’s nothing serious. I’m gonna have a lot of free time, which is usually a bad thing for me, because I tend to put everything into perspective and too much thinking hurts my head. Band is still looking for a bassist. I honestly don’t know whether this is gonna work out or not. I really hope it does, but…yeah.

January 9, 2006

I have hope.

I have faith.

I’ve never realized how much that meant to me until today.

Trying out a bassist tomorrow. I’m crossing my fingers. I can’t wait to have a full band.

Tomorrow is also my first day of class. siiiick.

January 6, 2006

I’m in love.

the end.

New Year. January 2, 2006

School starts in less than a week.

..eek.

things seem to be going well so far. It’s good to know that I’ve started the new year on the right foot.

The band finally decided on a name (for now, anyways): Delay The March. I think it’s okay. We just need a bassist and we’ll be set.

the end.

December 30, 2005

“So which of these standard lines will we use?
I’ve been meaning to call you
I’ve just been so busy
We’ll catch up soon”.

-
whatever.

So this is the new year… December 28, 2005

Funny how you’re the happiest person alive when you’re in love, but when you go a day without hearing from them/seeing them, you are the most miserable thing ever.

damnit. Being in love isn’t supposed to be like this…

On another note…
Practice tomorrow (hopefully). Yay. I can’t wait to agree on a band name so I can start working on designs and such. I gotta work afterwards. ick.

My throat’s been killing me today. Hopefully I’m not getting a throat/sinus/whatever-else infection again. I wanna record vocals for the new ADS song so bad, and screaming with a sore throat is probably not a very good idea.

I wonder what this new year will bring…The holidays this year haven’t been as great as some of the previous ones. I think it’s because of the realization (both mine and my mom’s) that we don’t really have anybody else here. We have each other, and that’s that. Hopefully things will get better. I have faith that they will.

Shallowness. December 27, 2005

Looking back to the people I met while playing in bands, I was always amazed by those who fell so hard for the *insert genre here*-core scene, that they acted as if they had just discovered the latest fad known to man. Suddendly, their concept of individuality consisted of escaping a previous mold just to emmigrate to a different one, where the further you lied to yourself, the cooler and more original you were.

Their originality is the fear from falling into the vast ocean of generalization. Originality is about listening to your own heart, and not following some imposed design to get closer to independent thinking.

I’ve become so weary of shallow people lately…not necessarily because I’m around them constantly. I just have. There’s just a lot of people out there who care about nothing but themselves and the physical world around them, as well as all the invisible things they consume themselves with. If I start playing shows in a band again, I would really like to voice my opinion about things, or even try to get to people through music. I don’t just see music as something that I enjoy anymore, but as a medium to touch others. Whether I’ll get the chance or not, hell, who knows. It’s only wishful thinking.

Today is gonna be an interesting day. I’m sure I’ll get a lot of things done, but I’m just not in the best of moods. I feel like getting away from everything and everyone. I really have to think about some things…